I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
