How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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