She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
