I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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