I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
