Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
