So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
