So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
