I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Pants are for mortals
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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