TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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