we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
