oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
