Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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