Where is the hickey?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
