He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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