is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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