Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize