Me. At least after what I've been through.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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