3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
