You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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