Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
