Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
