All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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