I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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