The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
