Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
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