i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
