worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Let's paint friendship bongs
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
