You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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