Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
