I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
