You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
