Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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