I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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