Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
