More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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