well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
