Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Randomize
