I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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