Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
