weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
