I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
