i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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