the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
