If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize