I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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