so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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