So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
