I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
