Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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