wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think your dad took our porno
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize