Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
