While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
