on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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