doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize