Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
