it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
