I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
