my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
