hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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