Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
