i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
