so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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