I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
