what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
