someone owes me an orgasm
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
