I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i think my cat just said my name.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
