so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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