I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
