note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
