If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
