Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
