Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
