3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
