Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
