this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
