oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
