I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
