Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
